eat my heart away......

dear bloggy....
today i'm not feeling very good...i didn't feel happy like everyone around me..i didn't feel happy as usual...like everyday before...i felt that i'm such a loser...LOSER !!!! everything seems unfair to me...like i didn't have any chance to do something....to achieve any success...why ??? why this always happened to me....?? since i was in primary school,i never be the best ???? why everyone could be the best...??? didn't they see me...??? are they blind to choose who is the best....??? i've tried my best to do everything...but it was no to avail....it's all such a waste...sometime i feel i just want to shout at them..to those blind people who can't see who is better and who is worst....???
why there's too many questions flinging on my mind....???? BODOH !!! BANGANG !!! BLOODYFULL !!! damn u idiot !!! ahhhh this is what i do to calm down my heart when i started bursting...evaporating...shrinking....i hate my life !! sometimes i feel like i'm just a small girl with a big-big-big heart living in this cold and cruel world.....with all the evils who wants to destroy my life...friends who wants to stab my back....teachers who always burdening me with their irritating words...ahhhh....life is so confusing...i felt terrified...can anybody save me from this phatetic and misery life ????i hate those people whoi act high and mighty....i can't breathe easily anymore...nobody out there that i could trust anymore...friends who had shattered my trust... and even cikgu liza who spilt out the bean...huh berpegang pade etika kerahsiaan la konon...??? then from whom that cikgu sweet will know about my feelings towards him....??? he didn't reply my sms anymore....but all the other gilrs he would reply..i hate you !! i hate you !!! i hate you !!!!no more all ears for me though i always helped everyone...sometimes i cn feel that i'm too independent at my age....after daddy had passsed away...all the things had change....people love to bark up the wrong tree towards me...but i never forget what daddy i had told me..i always bear it in my mind...i'll never forget it...life is a journey which full of circumstances...who have to be strong to face it....i wish i have your strenght pa......
:[


today i felt i can't focus in anything that i do...it such a waste...i shouldn't go to school...i should sleep at my bed and get back my energy...my mood...friends told me that i looked moody today..yeah...i guess so...you were right...it started on last saturday night...i had to sleep at school due to the kem qudwaton hasanah-kem motivasi agama islam....under pai...we've done kiamullai and all those keagamaan thing....that night i told lela that i was to eager to sms with cikgu sweet..then she and lien give me support and strenght to send an sms to him....it was at 12 am..i knew that he wouldn't reply my sms...but i've tried...then she knew that i'm waiting for him to reply my sms,she purposely send me an sms just to make fun of me and in her sms said's that " gud nite nanie" dah tidor sbelah aku pown sesaje lagik nak antor sms tuh....???? i just curse her in my heart...tawulah ang dah ader boyfriend..xpayahlah nak memainkan aku plak.... mcm aku nie desperate sgt jer kat cikgu sweet tuh....aku cume minat...perasaan tuh lahir dari hati aku tulus suci lagi murni...bukannye aku ader niat lain pown....bukannye aku nak jadik steady girlfriend dier pown...aku pown tawu aku nih sape....tapi salahker kalo aku nak bersronok2...??? bersuker2...??? dah tuh dier bleyh tanyer lagik aper prasaan aku lepas dier anto sms tuh kat aku....huh mmg nampak sgt that she just wanna make fun off me....aku pown dgn slumbernyer jawab..."aku raser mcm nak tampor je muker ang biar jadik lempeng" hahahahaha... that's me...the outspoken girl...i just speak my mind...that's what you get when you mess with me...
:]


another thing that make me feel so upset today was about the speech day which will held on this coming saturday-28 of april...before this cikgu fendi ask me to the MC with uzair....but then our principle saids that he wants cikgu affendi sendirik jadik MC....hey come-on la....why people love rip out my heart...??? why don't you guys give us chance to show our talent....???? sampai biler kitorang nak terperap mcm katak bawah tempurung....??? this is their mentality....never give the students chance to show what they can do....dah ler MC weekly every monday tuh aku punyer turn bulan 9 nnt...pegi mamposlah !!!! GO TO HELL !!!! so on this saturday i'll just gonna be at the lab for the science exhibition....ahhh boringnyer....dah ler aku xdpt ape2 hari anugerah nnt....unfair giler ahhh this new regulation....ader ker dpt hadiah based on last year'r results....?? DAMN !! that doesn't show anything for this year's syllabus which are more tougher and more challenging... again..GO TO HELL !!!


well yesterday i've attend the driving punyer kursus...huwaaaa it was such a boring ceramah...my buntot have been so keras2 sitting on the chair..huh...bosan gila...dah ler pening kapla..plus i felt like i wanted to vommit back all the burger ramly that i've eaten....entahler...maybe angin kut sbb aku makan lambat sgt.....
:[


well on last friday i've to attend the kem qudwaton hasanah it's such a waste...bukanler aku benci porgramme keagamaan,tapi care pengelolaan diorang..ishh...xsystemmatic langsung...!!! acare2 diorang xbest langsung !!! dah ler ceramah agame pendek bebenor....terpakse plak menonton pertandingan nasyid budak2 form2 yg macam tahi....lahai..kalo ader OGY sure dier sembur habis2 punya...aku tido jer dlm hall time diorang punyer show....hahahha..dah tuh..xderk activity mengaji al-quran langsung...hanyer bergantung pader kiamullai saje ahh banun pkol 3.30 am then solat tahajjud,solat hajat,solat tasbih,solat witir and so on saje...pastu time LDK-latihan dalam kumpulan...ustazah mmg bios(my spelling-is it right???) langsung xpandang kat group kitorang yg tersisih kat tepi tuh..padehal time quiz tuh kitorang dah banyak kali jadik org first yg angkat tangan....then biler ustazah bace soklan dier pandang kat group kitorang..time kat penghujung soklan dier pandang group kat centre...for sure she will only see that group...then skali lagik ustazah bace soklan ..dier pandang kat group kitorang...then aku dgnh selambernyer sound ustazah,"ustazah nih time bace soalan pandang group kitorang..biler dah penghujung soalan ustazah pandang group lain pastuh biler kamik buat bising usatzah nak marah2 kami plak"aku tarik muker...bengang giler!!!! then aku nampak muker dier berubah...hahaha biar dier tawu betape bengangnyer aku...ustazah dah nampak muker aku dah masam baru dier focused kat group kitorang...then my group won first-runner up for that quiz but this morning the prizes only been given for the first place...padahal pertandingan nasyid yg mcm taik tuh dapat hadiah sampai tempat ke -6.... what is going on in this world....??? everything is unfair !!!! BASTARD !!!!